ROOMs · Guest Guide ← Explore ROOMs (elenalenena.com/rooms)

The Art of ROOMs

How to be in a ROOM.

You are chosen for the people next to you, and they are chosen for you. Here's how to show up for them.

The 60-second version Explore ROOMs →

The 60-second version

Six rules if you're reading this in the Uber on the way over.

01 Bring a story, not a title. →
02 Prep your interesting 30 seconds: one thing that's not on your LinkedIn, one thing you can't solve alone, and one thing you're passionate about. →
03 Ask the second question. Skip "good, how are you?" →
04 Bring the real questions you're having on the topic of the event. →
05 If you won't show up, you will be missed. Please tell us in advance (we follow the 24/3 rule). →
06 Leave with one name and one real follow-up, not just a LinkedIn connection. →

Why this page exists

This isn't your regular SF event.

Most events here run on a script: badge, "what do you do", pitch, "let's grab coffee", never grab coffee. ROOMs runs on a different one. This page is that script, so you walk in knowing it.

It's built on rooms we've enjoyed and on Priya Parker's The Art of Gathering.

The big ideas

Borrowed from Priya Parker's The Art of Gathering. Rewritten for the person in the chair.

01
You're a co-host, not an audience. The night is only as good as what the table brings. You were invited because you'll bring something.
02
There's a sentence. Read it. Every ROOM is built around one sentence someone could argue with. It's in your invite. Come with an opinion on it.
03
Story beats status. Your title got you on the list. It doesn't get you the floor. "The night I almost quit" beats "I think the market will".
04
Heat is a gift. If you disagree, say so. Kindly, about the idea, out loud. A table that agrees on everything was a waste of eight evenings.
05
Respect the balance between speaking and listening. Share the floor so every voice around the table is heard, not just the loudest one.
06
Presence is the price of entry. One evening, fully here. That's the whole ask.

How ROOMs uses The Art of Gathering

Principle	In a ROOM
Purpose over category	Every ROOM starts with one sentence someone could argue with. "Networking" is not a purpose.
Exclude with care	Every room says who it's for and who it's not for. Saying no protects everyone who said yes.
Generous authority	We guide the table, connect threads, and move seats so the room works for everyone, not just the loudest.
A temporary world	For one night, different rules. Obsessions over titles, stories over takes, disagreement on purpose.
It starts at the invitation	You apply with something true. Two days before, you get the rules and one question to bring.
Never open with logistics	No sponsor thanks, no bathroom directions. The night opens with a story.
Good controversy	One question worth arguing about, every time. If everyone agrees, the room was pointless.
Close on purpose	We end on a high: one thing you carry out, one person you'll follow up with, and a real next step.

Read the book. Then come test it with us.

Before you come

Five minutes of prep makes a three-hour dinner ten times better.

Read the sentence in your invite. Decide if you agree.
Prep your interesting 30 seconds. Skip company names and titles. Share one interesting fact that's not on LinkedIn, one thing you can't solve alone, and something you're passionate about or obsessed with right now.
Bring one real question you're having right now on the topic of the event.
Try to be on time and avoid event hopping. Arrive before the door closes (15 minutes after start) and avoid stacking the night if possible. You will be missed.

Openers we're trying to avoid

The SF small-talk loop goes: "Hey, how are you?" "Good, how are you?" "Good!" Then silence, then "so what do you do?" Two people just spent 40 seconds learning nothing. Not here.

Try to avoid Try instead

Try to avoid"How are you?" "Good, you?"

Try instead"What's the best thing that happened to you this week?"

Try to avoid"So what do you do?"

Try instead"What are you obsessed with right now that you can't stop thinking about?"

Try to avoid"How do you know Elena?"

Try instead"What made you say yes to tonight?"

Try to avoid"Are you raising?"

Try instead"What's the hardest call you made this month?"

Try to avoid"Can I pick your brain?"

Try instead"Here's my exact question".

Try to avoid"That's so cool".

Try instead"Wait, why?"

Try to avoid"We should grab coffee sometime"

Try instead"Tuesday 10am. I'll send the invite".

Try to avoidYour rehearsed pitch

Try insteadYour story about why you started

The small things

The big ideas set the tone. These make the night.

Learn two names in five minutes. The people on either side of you. Then use them.

Play a super-connector role for a minute. Try introducing people you know to someone they don't know yet.

Ask the second question. The first answer is the polished one.

Spoke twice? Ask once. Before your third turn, hand the floor to someone who hasn't had it.

Find the quiet one. Ask them the second question.

Pass the plate, pass the floor. Family style is on purpose.

Go to the bar with a stranger. Never with the person you came in knowing.

Phone face down is still a phone. Leave it in your bag.

If you want to play a role in the evening, don't be shy. You can be a photographer, an introducer, or the one who sparks the next thread.

Think beyond the LinkedIn connection. Focus on how you'll actually follow up, not just trading links at the first drink.

Say the true thing once. Say the controversial thing once. If you have a real thought, put it on the table. That's the moment people remember.

How the night moves

Seven beats from the invite to 48 hours after.

Before. You apply with a true thing. Two days out, you get the rules, one question to bring, and an anonymized table: "someone who said no to a term sheet last month". Never a list of names.
The threshold. Drinks, standing. I'll introduce you to someone within ten minutes, with a reason.
The door closes. Fifteen minutes in. The opening belongs to everyone who made it.
The cold open. A story, not a welcome speech. Then the rules, and why.
Stories, then heat. We start with moments, get to one question worth arguing about, and end on what changes tomorrow.
The close. One thing you're carrying out. One name and one real follow-up.
After. Within 48 hours: the intros you asked for, with a double yes.

How we keep the room good

For one night, these replace the usual SF habits.

01
Skip the rehearsed pitch.

Figure out a better way to share what you're doing by asking "what are you obsessed with?" instead of reciting titles.
02
Speak from a moment, not a take.

"The night I almost shut it down" beats "I think AI will"
03
Be respectful of the balance between speaking and listening.

Make room for every voice at the table.
04
Disagree with someone before dessert.

About an idea. Kindly. Out loud.
05
Leave with one name and one real follow-up.

Not just a LinkedIn connection.

Your chair was chosen for you.

I set every table by hand. You are chosen for the people next to you, and they are chosen for you.

If you won't show up, you will be missed. Please tell us in advance so your seat goes to someone on the waitlist.

We follow the 24/3 rule: cancel inside 24 hours or no-show without a real emergency, and we sit out the next 3 months.

You'll be missed. That's the point.

After

What happens after the door closes.

Follow up within 48 hours. With the one person you named at the close. A real follow-up, not just a LinkedIn invite or "great to meet you".
Ask me for intros. I'll make them with a double yes.
Plus-ones are earned. Come once. Next time, bring someone even better than you.

My side of the deal

If you bring presence, here is what I owe you.

I'll introduce you with a reason, never with a title.
I'll protect the room, including from me.
I'll never send your name around. Anonymized only.
I'll start on time and end on a high.
I'll make every intro you ask for, with a double yes.
I'll remember what you said, and I'll ask you about it next time.

Elena